Friday, February 13, 2009

Where do I go from where I now am

I sit in my yard and feel bad. Its gone. My pops tore everything out to plant fruit trees. The ground is covered in wood chips. The soil is locked under. My yard is gone. The dill that the lil yellow bird flock would go into, the purple flowers that the huitzli and giant bees would favor, the zinnias that the butterflies liked, the poppies that the honey bees would leapfrog collecting pollen, the seedlings from the squash seeds, the tongue of the coatl rising from the soil, the cempohuali that glowed fluorescent bright. Everything is gone. The orange moths that would chase the white moths out. The swallowtails laying eggs on the dill tips. The finches have no soil to scratch searching for whatever it was that they were looking for anymore. Everything that once lived in my yard is now removed. The life I once offered to my community is now gone. The home I once offered, the nourishment I once provided, the refuge I once maintained for the migrating birds and insects. They came like refugees in search of an oasis from the urban landscape. Where do they go now? What am I offering now? I feel as if I'm missing a part of me. I feel bad.

Perhaps it is time to develop a relationship with trees.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Alot going through my mind

Too much going through my heart.
Pain without gain
Is this a fresh start?
My calendar collapsed
Time is not the same
Analytical scrutiny
soul searching for blame
Slow horizons in sight
Insomnia throughout the night
searching for an elusive moon
distance is anguish
alone in my room
In a hostile mind
I've got to think strong
breathe postive
seek ancestors

Thursday, December 11, 2008

I'm going away for a couple months

My surrender date is Friday. I will most likely be in the system by SATURDAY.

You can't write to me without knowing my booking number;

This is the best way to obtain my Booking number
; ]


http://app4. lasd. org/iic/ajis_search. cfm



It will then show my file with my booking info

Once you have the booking number you will just have to send the letter with my name and booking number written on the top to

Inmate Name, Booking Number
PO BOX 86164
Terminal Annex
Los Angeles, CA 90086-0164

for information on correspondence rules this website lists them

http://www. lasd. org/lasd_services/custody-services/mail_regulations. html

you can get info from this number tambien, but the website is faster and doesnt cause a phone bill

(213) 473-6100

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Catching the bus

MTA has come a long way from the old RTD days. I still remember sneaking on the backdoors of the bus to get on for free. The new fleets are much better designed, roomier, classier and cleaner. Although the Supreme Court had to sort of force MTA to finally replace the old junkers I'm still glad that they got something new. I hope they dont raise the day pass as high as they are predicting. Sure miss the days of 25cent transfers.

I am realizing that whoever designed the bus was apparently not a bus rider. I see high traffic bus stops with no benches, wastebaskets or rain guards. Then I see the city put benches or rain guards on stops that people rarely use. I think the bus stops that are high traffic bus stops with alot of daily riders should get preference with the benches, wastecans and rain barriers. I have caught so many bus stops near colleges or hospitals with no rain guards or even benches that it is upsetting. Groups of people in the rain or standing while other low traffic stops have a bench and everything that sits empty most of the time. It is poor planning.

It would be nice if the buses ran later also. I noticed they put bike racks on the buses now though and that is great. Someone had a good idea there. I see alot of people use them.

Then again most stuff is not designed for the pedestrian. Everything is designed for the car. You never have roads dead end and pick up somewhere else with no connect for the car to use to get from one to the other. Yet walkways have a bad habit of just dead ending and you have to walk through stuff or in the road or parking lot to get to the next part of the walkway. Either that or go all the way around while cars are given closer connection ways. They are the ones driving. Shouldn't they be the one to have to go around further instead of the pedestrian?

Everything is designed by car drivers for car drivers it appears.

I guess that is just the way L.A. is. Maybe they should let GM go bankrupt. The auto industry really screwed Los Angeles when they tore all the rail out in the early 1900's and replaced everything with freeways forcing Los to become a car city. Why should we pity them now that they are hurting? They never cared about us. They used politicians to ruin the rail system Los Angeles historically did have in the early 1900's just to make money off us us. New York and other cities kept their subways and rail systems but ours got dismantled to build freeways. Alot of recent arrivals to Los Angeles don't even realize that Los Angeles used to have an extensive rail system that was pretty big across our county from the South Bay to Downtown LA to the Harbor to downtown Long Beach. It is long gone. I saw the Belmont Tunnel recently and that yard is changed. They built big townhomes on most of it although the old subway station is still there. Hurt to see an old West Coast spot get ruined by development. Still tagged up but not like the pieces I saw when I visited it in the mid-nineties. I can only imagine in the 80's when it was poppin back in the day.

The Auto Industry has done alot of backroom deals to implement or cripple public policies in favor of their profits. The long term effects of the damage they have done are still hurting people like me that were born long after they did what they did. Why should I pity GM or any of them? I think I made a mistake to initially feel bad. I only regret it is a Union Company that is hurting. A company that apparently did respect its workers (so I'm told) is the first to suffer and that is just not right. It should be the other way around.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

"Just say it in Freemason and you wont get caught"

Well my semester is coming to a close and I'm trying to get all of my term projects done. Research and writing has consumed so much of my time that I am getting tired although I'm pleased with the results. There is alot of resources out there but it takes alot of searching to find it. Once you force yourself to think outside the set rythmn we have drilled into us as youth, suddenly a whole world of resources hits the horizon that can be somewhat interesting as well as empowering.

Ever notice people lace insults and accusations into what they say and do? I guess they enjoy hurting people in a way that they can lie their way out of if confronted.

Its almost like a way of life for some people to design everything about themselves to be a covert attack on people they secretly hold views about. If people would openly say what they insinuate I could clarify and defend myself but sadly these cut throat cowards refuse to give me a fair trial. They just assume and insinuate. I get insulted and other people get misled. It creates a mess that everyone is hostage to due to the refusal of these snobs to swallow their pride and actually talk about what is really going on with them.

People that play mind games are very dangerous. They can really cripple your morale and self esteem. They can really hurt your self perception by planting seeds that your concious mind doesnt always catch, but your subconcious mind gets programmed by without you realizing it or having a say in what they are doing to you. These people are predators running free in society abusing people by conciously using this technique to wage psychological warfare on their targets by lacing it into civilian behaviour that appears harmless on the surface. Everything about these people is designed to be sharp and be a covert attack on your identity and health.

I've been a victim and seen others get victimized as well. These jerks leave people psychologically and emotionally devastated by abusing them in this manner. They time out sounds, body movements and objects to respond to you and pretend it is merely a coincidence if confronted. They carefully select their words to pretend to be talking about one thing while in fact talking about something else they dont want to get busted for saying. They talk about two things at once as if they took a class on how to communicate in this freemason language within the language. It allows them to openly communicate crimes without getting caught cause you cant prove they are lying and they deny it. What an awful technology to get loose among the public! People use psychological and emotional knowledge to just abuse each other over whatever personal belief systems they subscribe to.

I notice alot of these type of people tend to work together to run manuevers on common enemies that they dislike over a belief system that they share. People are covertly harrassed, slandered, insulted, mocked, their privacy violated and their mental and emotional balance attacked until it is ruined by these hostile rogue elements in their enviroment. These freemason snob bullies know that they can operate this way with a sort of impunity since proving what they are up to is almost impossible unless they admit to it. We dont have a good way to prove people are lying yet so it allows them to get away with blatant abuse and assault they commit on people. I call it psychological warfare. These people found that if they can communicate in way that appears as if they are doing or saying something else.... they can design everything to be hostile towards certain people to inflict maximum pain. They can leave something knowing you will see it later, knowing you will understand and knowing that the insult will hurt to recieve and proccess emotionally and mentally.

One thing I've learned in life is not to take things so seriously and not to have too much pride. I see alot of people that do this and I notice that they tend to be very proud people although different people secretly take pride in different things. So someone might appear humble but they might in reality be very concieted over particular things they refrain from openly speaking about.

I look at the way freemasonry has taken everyone hostage by secretly operating and moving in silence, the way it enforces a culture where if you do not obey their customs you will be considered nothing by other people that have had everything from their emotions to their hormones manipulated and programmed by a bunch of unlicensed surgeons running loose operating on the public while backed by armed muscle that is trained in psychological warfare. I look at the culture and norms they implement and maintain, the closed conversation that the public space is herded and flows according to but is not included in. The way it demands you submit and internalize their precepts and beliefs before your right to know and be included in the conversation is respected, it is an enemy of human rights just as secrecy is an enemy of freedom. People get co-opted and used without realizing it. People are recruited into factions without even realizing they have joined something and are taking part in something. Freemasonry might appear one way in public but these secret societies hold heavy power and influence in our society that is unregulated by the Constitution and the Federal government. It might pretend it does not violate peoples constitutional rights to each other and by disguising everything naive people might be fooled into believing this, but the only reason why it is secret is to do exactly that- to have the ability to violate our rights that publicity would far more prevent. It has nothing to do with being polite, or having class, or getting a noble job done. It is just a pyramid scheme built of people that are in denial to how badly they are violating each others rights. They use wrestling moves to block any attempt to succeed in reasoning with them. They block every attempt to reason with them so that they can protect and preserve their collective delusion that they enforce on everyone as "reality" or "the way it is" or "keeping it real".

They could do everything publicly but they refuse to even try. I see different factions use different excuses to pretend to justify their secrecy. The reality is alot of clandestine governments and factions use good causes to justify their existence. They then procceed to secretly or semi-secretly operate to hide alot of blatant crime that is more rooted in the egotistical desires of the upper hierarchy of their pyramid. I see them even using saintliness to act like a reason to act like snobs. They will try to outsaint each other and this becomes the cause of their arrogance! They think they should be able to abuse people and violate the rights of people that are less saintly! I've seen freemasons subscribe to the belief that since they chose to make sacrifices they should be entitled to abuse others that did not make those sacrifices! This is not Constitutional. It is a personal belief that they treat as if it supercedes the Constitution and hide to avoid getting cornered on it. I dont know where some of these groups get their technology from, but they abuse it to implement unconstitutional things on the public and to attack anyone that does not understand or agree. I realize that alot of civilizations before us as well as us did not have the legal protections and ethics the current laws are rooted in. Alot of inhumane research was conducted to understand how to colonize and manipulate people by past civilizations. Alot of this knowledge on how to manipulate people, how to read people and the patterns of behaviour that people usually have, how to play mind games and cripple people, this knowledge has been developed throughout history and preserved secretly. So alot of people transmit this knowledge that is illegal research and illegal in nature to each other to use it in their day to day lives in the public space. I also suspect that the Pentagon has done alot of research on psychological warfare and alot of it has leaked out to the public. So psychological warfare is a military technology and a medical technology that merged and then was leaked out to the public that began using it like savages on each other. There is a culture in place of generations upon generations of people that take pride in this embarrassing behaviour and waste their brains to figure out new techniques and ways to do this sort of abuse. It has become a status symbol among some people. The culture is not constitutional.

Even when they do have a good idea they implement it in the most inhumane and incompetent ways. They dont use the public or the system to try. They just go clandestine and implement it secretly so that they can act like tyrants and wield power they should not have and took by force.

Things just dont happen by accident. There is alot of people behind the scenes that have their hand in the cookie jar. They seem to have an unspoken understanding with each other and an arrogant dehumanizing disdain for those that are not privy to the level of understanding they consider themselves to have.


Thursday, November 27, 2008

Thanksgiving Meditation

I realize today is a national holiday whose lore is myth and not fact. The facts that have been well researched and documented tell a story of human rights atrocities. I would never celebrate such an awful event in history.

To me this is a family day to visit with family and enjoy life together. That is what I celebrate. The external concept of thanksgiving is a wonderful concept (giving thanks) and why they attached such a beautiful concept to such an awful day in history perplexes me.

There are a couple things I want to be more thankful for.

I really want to give thanks to our ancestors worldwide. I take so many things I eat, take and use for granted. Yet everyone one of those recipes, crops, machines, designs, medicine, words, everything took generations upon generations of living people to figure out and research until they got it just right. I was looking at the ingredients in mayonaise. I would never of figured out that combination of things would taste so good. It must of taked years for people to figure out what mixes well and what doesn't to create so many food products I take for granted. I'm told elotes took years of cross pollinating to become the big ears of corn they are now. Even the house we live in took years of research to design the most simple structural knowledge and how to apply it.

Someone I never met put alot of time and effort to invent or perfect something that now I can take for granted while I live my life. I'm lucky to benefit from so many ancestral contributions in my life and enviroment.

I live in a nation with an amazing Constitution when it is enforced and respected. Not everyone has our Constitution to enact when their rights are violated. I got lucky and was born somewhere that had a impressive Constitution.

I have the health I have. I might not have perfect health but I have alot and I need to be grateful for that.

I met a woman that I'm dating that treats me very lovingly. I praise the sky for meeting her and her as a part of my life. I hope I pull my weight giving her the same.

I have family to help me. They are not perfect, but if I wasn't living at home with them I would most likely be in prison or on the streets. Although I'm reckoning with certain things from my childhood, they have a positive side that I need to be very grateful for. They could of gave up and they didn't.

I'm grateful for all relations in the universe, particularly of the earth. Other plants and life have taught humanity so much that we dont realize we originally learned from them. They actually were the first teachers and taught us. Humanity has come a long way.

Our President-elect seems to be a much needed person. Its good we have a person of color and a tru mix in power, but his character also seems solid so we got really lucky with this man.

Thats about it.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008